All posts by Thomas Styles

Let’s face it, having expectations of others is the source of all frustrations. As soon as you expect anything from the world, from loved ones or…from anyone, you set yourself up for disappointment.

On my travels I got off a ferry from Athens to Mykonos in Greece and immediately a taxi driver greeted me, which was great because I needed a lift to my hotel. I used GPS to pinpoint where the hotel was so I was aware that it was not an outrageous walk if I had to. So, I had no expectation that I would have a ride, but not disappointed that a taxi driver approached me.

That said, as I was following the taxi driver to his car I told him I only had credit card, to which he informed me that no taxi driver in Mykonos accepts credit cards. The problem was, I only had $20 in cash on me and he had quoted me a $40 fare (which, let’s be real, I knew was a laugh and he was exploiting me, but I wasn’t going to argue). He drove me to a local ATM and I couldn’t retrieve cash as I didn’t recall my PIN number so he ended up driving me halfway and dumping me on the side of the road. I took my bags graciously and went on my way.

When I told others the story, the reactions were clearly shock. Who would ever? I never took that position, personally, because I understood two things about this particular situation. First one, time is money for business people, so my expectation that this person would drive me the entire way at half cost is not realistic. It’s altruistic, sure, and maybe some drivers would have, but not him. No worries. Secondly, I understood that to have an expectation of anyone i.e. that they will go above and beyond, that they care, that they somehow value humanity over their personal agendas, is not realistic. In the end, the one the cares most about you is…YOU. Don’t expect anything from anyone. If you are dying in the street of thirst I’m quite sure that someone will offer you a drink, but if they don’t…do not be surprised. Find a drink on your own.

Once you realize that all you have at the end of the day are your own devices, the less frustrating the world becomes and the more of a strategist YOU will become.

I was never good at team sports and, in fact, always hated them from the beginning. It was my young mind telling me something more sophisticated than I could understand at the time. My feelings weren’t necessarily about the competition because I am a competitor. Nor was it that I was averse to the activity, as I was an extremely active boy.

True, I was never fully aware of the technical aspects of many of the sports I played before age ten, which never helps. In basketball, I tossed a ball in my opponents’ basket. In baseball I struck out every time at bat, and I hardly remember my soccer days. I think I blocked it out.

As I grew older I gravitated more to racquetball and I still play today. What I love about the game, is that it doesn’t require one to be dependent on a team to win. Like tennis, track, swimming, or golf, the sport requires your own effort, skill, and personal endurance to win and if you lose, you have nobody else to blame. In essence, you are competing against yourself as you compete against others. You aren’t some piece of a puzzle. You’re the whole puzzle. I love that about solo sports.

Too much of our cultural practice revolves around trying to outdo someone else, even as a team player. The “best” players on the team make the most money and get the most playing time. The other players on the team are given what they are told they deserve based on comparative measurement. It ultimately conditions “lesser players” to believe their worth is only in comparison to someone else. Henceforth, they stop trying to do better. That’s team etiquette.

In traditional workplaces the key term you always hear is “team player.” Perhaps team sports at an early age is a precursor to prepping kids for traditional job placements where being a “team player” means keeping your job and getting tons of social support. In team sports, it meant sit on the bench the whole time if you are no good, and in the workplace it means acquiesce to the demands of others regardless if you are fulfilling your personal goals or visions.

In looking back, I’m happy that I recognized from an early age that something was a little off for me personally as a young child with regards to team sports and traditional molds, and that I naturally transitioned into solo sports, and left traditional workplaces. Ultimately, I discovered that the the biggest competition is bettering yourself everyday based upon your own interests, merits, and design. I believe life itself is a solo sport, which makes everyday an awesome new challenge to work for and outdo myself, not others.

October 4, 2022

I recently tweeted about my feelings of insecurity over not knowing another language fluently. I’ve traveled abroad many times, and as I began scheduling visits to countries where the native language was something other than English there came feelings of trepidation. Not questions like, will I be taken and need someone with a particular set of skills to rescue me? Will the food be good? Will I be able to navigate the given area in which I’m staying? My biggest preoccupation was regarding communication.

As it turns out, wherever I seem to roam, the language barrier never seems to be a barrier at all. Not because I can point to what I want on a menu and smile a toothy grin, or because I have an understanding of the basic words pertinent to survive, which I can mutter as needed. But because in most places you go the natives not only know their own language, but they seem to have a more than elementary grasp on the English language as well.

Of course, in tourist areas where people come from around the world, it makes sense that the people would need to have a grasp on varying languages. I just have it in my mind that when people come to the U.S. nobody can help tourists who don’t speak English. Not only that, but we tend to get flustered by visitors who don’t speak English. I have been to Disney World many times, and let me tell you it is a cultural melting pot, with guests coming from around the world. Yet, your average worker most definitely doesn’t know French, Chinese, Italian, or Greek.

It could be how we educate our youth in the U.S. Foreign language instruction is an afterthought in our schools. They don’t immerse you in the language, and you don’t even take a foreign language until you are practically an adult. So, maybe our educational system needs to start prepping kids for the C.I.A. or for a job in a tourist hot spot early in life. Then we’ll be prepared as much for our tourists as the rest of the world is prepared for theirs.

October 3, 2022